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Are you ready to choke up a little bit?
And here’s one from his original Wookie the Chew series that I had never noticed before.
I think quotes out of context are some of the best random comedy you can get. Overhearing snippets of conversations is like being privy to people’s sleep talking. Endlessly amusing. Actually, this one time my little brother, the most epic sleep talker of all time, sat up in a tent filled with me, my other brother and 4 of my cousins and snarled the now immortal phrase “fine, lock me up with the sadistic cats!” We still have no idea what he was talking about.
The other great source for strange sentences is parenthood. Parents seem to find themselves saying the weirdest things for perfectly normal reasons. And artist Nathan Ripperger has really gone to town on that idea. With great results!
As it happens, I think these are generally good advice for anyone. You can see more here.
Two posts in two days Puffin, aren’t you proud?
Ps: My excellent brother has also updated his blog, go check it out → Attention To Detail
I recently received a coded communique from an agent we had presumed dead. Turns out that Slutbunwalla is alive and well, but lost her login info for the Poor Taste Museum because she is an absentminded moron. So the Poor Taste Museum has moved in with us, for the time being, and will be updating here on MacGuffin and Puffin. Maybe. If I don’t fall off the face of the earth again. Because apparently running two separate intuitive and almost completely automated blogs was too freaking difficult for me to manage. Rolls eyes at self. Anyhoo, take a look at this:
It’s something called the Daddle by Cashel and you can buy it on Amazon for $31.99. You know, if you need an actual SADDLE to ride your daddy with….? Jesus Christ we are going to get so much spam. Because a google image search for ‘daddle’ turns up stuff like this and I’m too scared to actually type ‘daddy saddle’ into google. What will Google think of me??? This is the kind of thing I worry about Puffin. I’m sure Google is judging me. I’m sure of it.
But the Amazon reviews are so awesome!
Please note that this Daddle is Western Style and will not be appropriate for those trained in the English Father Riding Method whereby one holds a rein in each hand and posts the trot. If you are looking forward to father jumping, father fox hunting, father polo or daddy dressage you will not be able to use this Daddle. Western Daddle riders hold the reins with one hand, and sit the trot. The pommel or horn on this Daddle is meant to hold a lariat which is useful when roping cattle or other competing or unruly fathers. ✭✭✭✫✫
I loved the idea of this product at first, but after ordering, I began to have buyers’ remorse. After a few weeks of trying to use the Daddle, I’m afraid that I have still not had success and I think it was a waste of money. No amount of duct tape would keep the cat attached to the saddle while it was on my husband’s back. The instruction manual was no help. To top it off, our neighbors were very upset that the duct tape had left a residue on their cat’s fur, but I couldn’t figure out any other way to secure the cat to the actual Daddle.
I’m afraid I will not be able to recommend this product to others. ✭✭✭✫✫
This one is my favorite:
At first I thought this product was wonderful, but oh how things change. Don’t be deceived by the joyful picture, this is a hazardous product that should not be sold without severe warning. After a long day of being ridden by my children, I was grazing on some nearby greens when my daughter dropped a dish on the ground. It broke and the noise of it spooked me, causing me to rear back and kick my son in the head. Now he talks with a speech impediment and has a wonky eye. I haven’t taken the Daddle off in 3 weeks because I can’t face the reality of what I’ve done. My wife won’t speak to me, I have badly infected rug burn on both of my knees, and I’m malnourished from eating nothing but carrots, although my eye sight has never been better. Damn you Daddle, you’ve ruined my life!!!! ✭✫✫✫✫
Goodnight Puffin. I’m not really sure I’ll be able to sleep.
It is definitely fall. I know this because it is about 40˚F, raining like hell, and I slipped on a pile of slimy, cold, and above all wet leaves. People talk a lot about how much they love fall. I don’t. I fucking hate fall. I think I see things differently than they do, and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m turning into a crank or because I’m growing up.
Happy birthday Puffin
Here on the east coast we’ve had an earthquake and a hurricane. So I thought it might be a good idea to talk about some of the less well known disasters in our nation’s history. Such as The Menacing of the East River Bridge.
Or the Great Pittsburgh Zombie Outbreak.
Although officially known as the Washington Monument since plans for the magnificent obelisk were underway while the first President was still alive, the name is something of a misnomer as the currently standing tower is actually a replica. The first Monument, completed in 1862, was attacked and destroyed soon after by “Potomac Patty,” the local river monster who had been won over to the secessionist side of the Civil War by promises of “fresh fish flesh” from the Confederate Army. As photography was scarce during the war, this is actually a photo of the re-completed Monument with an artist’s likeness of Patty grappling with the tower.
Or, for that matter, the original design of the Statue of Liberty. As we all know, Frédéric Bartholdi first envisioned not a shining beacon of freedom featuring Lady Liberty, but a dire warning depicting Krgyyx threatening the world, as he was wont to do.
These are so going in my foyer.
Other posts tagged as Art:
(How to read this post: When a number (like these ➊) appears in the text, go to the corresponding number in the key at the foot of the post and follow the directions.)
As I spent a relaxing Saturday morning watching The Penguins of Madagascar and drinking a coffee ➊, I was confronted with a blast from the past ➋. Now, I have long complained that the biggest problem with The Penguins of Madagascar is that they’re shown on Nickelodeon, which means that you pretty much can’t avoid the Saturday morning advertising, which is broadcast directly from the pits of Hell ➌. Every time an ad for iCarly comes on I cower in fear in the corner of the sofa. But that was nothing compared the the truly frightening discovery that Smell-O-Vision has become a sinister reality! Remember Smell-O-Vision, also known as AromaRama, Scent-O-Vision or OdorAma? This shit used to be a joke, something generally accepted to be one of the worst ideas of all time. (Seriously, Time Magazine voted it one of the 100 Worst Ideas of All Time, which is actually impressive in a twisted way.)
So I guess it’s fitting that this terrible idea should be paired with an abysmal movie, such as Spy Kids 4. Which, the infernal broadcast informs me, is in ’4D AromaScope’. First problem: smell is not the 4th dimension. Smell is not a dimension at all. The 1950s have officially returned. Apparently they’ve improved the original idea a bit though. Instead of spraying the theater audience with noxious chemicals pumped in through the air system, you get a scratch and sniff card. So that’s an improvement over major flops like Scent of Mystery, but still not a winner, especially if Alonso Duralde’s experience is typical. “First things first: All eight scratch-and-sniff scents on the “Aroma-Scope” card I was handed at Spy Kids 4D: All the Time in the World smelled like Trix cereal and cardboard.”
Not a smash hit, apparently. But then, why would you want to smell along (what a bizarre phrase to find myself typing!) to a generic action movie like Spy Kids 4? Surely this technology would be better for a movie that involves interesting smells. Obvious choices would be movies about food. Mystic Pizza, Julie and Julia, Chocolat, Big Night. In an action movie I don’t quite see how it would add to the experience. I mean, take The Bourne Identity, a truly great action flick. When Jason’s body is pulled out of the Mediterranean by a fishing ship are you going to try to recreate the scent of a damp, dirty fishing boat on a rainy night?➍ God I hope not. Do you have any idea what that shit smells like? Let me tell you, it does not lend verisimilitude to the cinematic experience. What it adds is a god awful stench. And what about the car chase? Do they plan to pump in the smell of burning tires and an overheating Mini-Cooper engine backed up by the smell of Paris on garbage day?➎ I hope not.
I find the future confusing Puffin. Especially when it looks so much like the past.
➊ This was fair trade Chocolate roast from Fresh Market. Mix up a cup of dark roast coffee grounds with a 98% cacao Lindt bar and drink it at the dead of night in the bottom of an abandoned coal mine, and you might get close to how utterly inky black my coffee really is.
➋ The musty odor of the past can best be duplicated by finding a stuffy attic or garage and inhaling deeply. Multi dealer antique stores are also a good bet.
➌ Combine 3 parts brimstone and 2 parts sulphur in a cocktail shaker, add 3 frozen condemned souls and shake. Garnish with razor wire. Pour into a large syringe and inject the mixture up your nose. This will both accurately recreate the smell of Hell and also give you a rough idea of how I feel whenever I fail to mute an iCarly or Big Time Rush ad.
➍ 3 days old Galouise smoke, fish, foot fungus, bilge water and sweat. Usually so thick you could cut it with a knife.
➎ I would guess that it smells about like Scranton when there’s a tire fire. A smell I hope never to experience again. Route 81 right next to a burning scrap yard is not a good place to be stuck in traffic in a car without working AC.
I can’t really think of anything clever to say about these figurines by Jessica Harrison, aside from the fact that they are awesome and I want one.
Finally, you wanna see something really macabre? Try a cuppa from the Hitler teapot. What is this I don’t even…..
OK, in mitigation, this is part of a series called Delft Disasterware by artist Charles Krafft. I’m going to go collapse on my fainting couch until the memory of the Hitler teapot has left me for good.
Other posts categorized as Art: