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I dont care how old you are. Breaking in such a way that I cannot get the oven door open, thus trapping the scrumptious blueberry cobbler I baked IN THE OVEN is flat out unacceptable. I dont care what extraordinary measures I may be forced to resort to- I am eating that cobbler TONIGHT even if I have to use an axe to get you open.
And while Im on this subject please have a word with your obstinate compatriot, the fridge. Given that it is 90 out it would be helpful to actually have a fridge which refridgerates things. I had to throw away an entire rack of ribs the other day. Another such error on your part will result in a written warning and a notice to vacate the premises. I know you feel that your position is secure since we remodeled the front door and can no longer physically remove you from the kitchen, but might I draw your attention to the above threats issued to the oven? The use of chainsaws, arc welders and axes are all within my area of expertise and I will not hesitate to use them on you.
I will cut you motherfcker.
This is your last warning, both of you.